All my lovin'

Today has been utter shit. Simba died. (My cat) He's been in bad shape for quite some time now... I've had him since I was 2 years old. He would be around 16 or so... I kinda had a feeling this morning when I left for the dr. that he was going slowly. I thought he'd live forever though.

I got to talk to B again I was so happy but it's always so loud and I feel like I can't tell him anything right now cuz he'll feel bad that he can't be here for me.

That's why I'm so mad at M.

I'll admit it's unfair to be mad about B being gone bcuz there's nothing she can do about that. But when C's just mean to me for no reason it really bothers me. I don't even want to write anymore bcuz I have no idea what to say anymore.

I literally feel like my life is falling apart. It's down to Nermin and I. How long till she backs out cuz she doesn't know how to help me? Or worse, till she falls into her drug cycle again?

I never get to talk to my mom. Josh drives me nuts! My dad's never really understood me and he wouldn't know what to tell me.

I know I'm probably over-reacting but I can't help it. I barely made it a week without B. How am I supposed to deal with 6 months?

Especially if M and I keep fighting. I'm so fucking scared I'm gonna lose everything. How many friends have I lost this year? How many will I end up with?

It's all just so hard right now. I miss Simba so much and I know he's a cat but he was my family and I loved him.

M if you read this I hope it makes a little sense. I don't know what to do right now and I'm sorry if I took some of my anger with C out on you but it does really bother me.

I hope court goes well tomorrow.